Life has just been a jumbled up mess, mostly being a good, busy jumbled up mess, but there are days when Im wondering what the hell I am doing with my life. I've really lost track of everything that I want to accomplish in the everyday life that I live. I had a bit of a break down last night when I realized that it's june and I have done none of the things that I wanted to do by this month.
I know life is constantly changing and so am I, but I am going through alot of difficult changes inside myself. For the most part it's all good changes, it's just overwhelming and confusing. I'm not depressed anymore, just stressed. I'm a pretty happy person these days, just alittle lost as I always seem to be. I'm so easily distracted and then I stress when it all hits me that I've been distracted by having fun or putting small things ahead of more important larger things, that should be coming first.
I barely had any readers before I took a two-three month vacay from my blog, but if anyone is still out there, maybe you know how I'm feeling when I say that I am hardly the person that I used to me. I'll be 22 this year and I thought all the inside changing was over with, I mean all that teenage anguish that we go through "finding ourselves" which really is a lifetime anguish. I've been having such a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I've decreased my amount of friends and people that I trust, which in a way is a good thing, because it keeps me from getting hurt or mistreated, but I used to be friends with everyone and trust everyone, so it's been difficult to look at myself as a more reserved human being. Don't get me wrong, I'm friendly and very outgoing, I just don't try to be "besties" with everyone I know. I think that in the past year I've been burned by so many people that I've really built some walls around myself and I always used to be a very open hearted and open armed person. It's just a change in lifestyle that I didn't see coming and it's been hard to get used to. I don't like being alone or lonely, but trust is a very hard thing for me and it never was an issue before.
Not to drag anyone down, because this post is not meant to be a depressing or angry, I'm just letting out some things that have been keeping me from the blogging world. On a high note, I'm back at work, I'm loving the nice weather and look forward to doing more stuff around the yard and getting things accomplished at home. When I can get the motivation to go through with it. I'm also very excited for a summer with the kids at daycare and hope that I can continue to lose weight even if it's at a slow pace.
I have SO and I mean SO many life style changes - scratch that, let's use the word improvements - that I want to put in affect, but as much as I like and encourage change, I really do suck at it. Besides the past couple of days I've really cut out my eating in the evenings, that doesn't stop me from eating snacks with the kids at lunch, but I have seen a bit of a difference. I REALLY could kick my ass for not working out, but it's something that I need to improve, just like I need to improve my "getting things done" I have an ENORMOUS list and very little checked off. I have fallen off my organized wagon and I'm going to get back on it! TONIGHT
I'll post again sooner than later this time.